My PTSD

I hate smoking cigarettes, but they help my anxiety, but only so much.

My depression happens even in the most happy of moments in my life and I can’t control it

The worse part is the nightmares, that cause me violent outbursts while I’m sleeping. I can never remember them but they still torment me every night

My depression has never been as bad as it is now, because finally in my life I had someone who meant more to me than anything besides my kids.

I don’t know how to describe my love for her, but just walking thru the door knowing I will see her everyday gives me butterflies each and every time.

I know she has hurt me many times now, and I don’t think she has any love left for me. But with all my flaws I have never lost that feeling for her, and only wish I knew how to express how I feel about her better.

When my wife left, honestly it didn’t hurt me, taking my kids did. When my ex left still not really hurt. But Natalie for some reason, means so much to me in my heart that I truly feel heartbroken for the first time in my life. And I would do anything in my life to even talk to her again and to see her smile.

She is beautiful inside and out, but right now she has been so ugly on the inside, not only to me but also to the children that love her, for her own unfaithfulness.

I don’t know what is gonna happen to my life, but all I hope is she truly finds something that makes her happy and she finally finds the peace she deserves. And I will always have a place in my heart for her, in hope someday we will find each other again