Shut down

I’ve finally just decided to completely shut down my emotions today, I am tired of feeling hurt and used.

Tonight seeing her didn’t even phase me, and it’s not a happy life to be emotionless but it’s better than being sad and depressed all day.

I just hope I don’t have to keep it turned off for so long that I lose a little bit of myself in the process, or forget how to turn it back on.

I don’t know how to explain how I shut it off, it’s something I learned I could do when going thru therapy for my PTSD.

The only downside to turning it off is it’s all or nothing, so to remove the sadness I also have to sacrifice happiness.

But with them off I really don’t care about loosing happiness cause I truly feel nothing right now.

I know it’s for the best for myself, and also the worst thing I could do to myself again…….

But it’s the only hope I have to not be head over heels in love with her right now 😢