Lost

I am truly lost in my life, I am trying to be strong for my children.

But in honesty I can’t think right, all I can do is think about her day and night.

I have constant nightmares, about seeing her with someone else.

I truly wish my heart could move on like hers has done to me time and time again, but I can’t let go.

I can only remember the good times and happy time when I try to move on, as much bad as she has done to me, it is never my focus in life.

I even tried something today I’ve never done, trying to clear my mind. And it didn’t help.

I’ve been drinking daily trying to get some kind of comfort to no avail.

She still has such a hold on my heart that I sit here suffering.

But my suffering is my own fault, for allowing myself to be walked over time and time again.

So here I sit in my own self pity, literally hating my own existence.

For what? A woman, who doesn’t love me, who has cheated on me over and over, for a woman whom I’ve let destroy my own self confidence and self worth.

And yet I can’t get her outta my mind, I wish I had an answer to relieve my pain, for the only answer to my pain is a pain I will not put onto my children.

Someday I hope to experience real love in my life with someone who truly loves me. Then maybe I will find peace and happiness.